I’ve spent a lot of time on my own in the last while, not
counting the pleasurable company of five dogs that hang about close to me, with
that please-take-us-to-the-beach look in their doleful eyes – they are all,
each in their own way, very sweet and adorable, and are finally, after some
weeks here, learning to listen and obey, and not pester me for constant
attention – and I have been working, occasionally, on small jobs like paving
the area outside my writer’s shed – it used to be my toolshed, then for a while
it was my home, and now it serves as my kitchen, wardrobe, part toolshed and
office, and it seems the mice have stopped visiting – maybe I did kill them
all, or maybe word has got out that even though there are bits of food to be
had, and lots of clothing about that can be chewed up & turned into mouse
beds, it all comes at a high price – I did see a very fat and dark species of
mouse/rat down near the veg garden today – and they have been there for some
time – my dog knows that, he constantly sniffs about there, expert mouse &
rat killer that he somehow became...
And in this time alone, and working, it seems that one’s own
thoughts can crystallize – not petrify, as the pineal gland apparently does
after too many years of fluoridated toothpaste and tap water – please note that
our pineal glands are seated somewhere deep in our midbrains, where our most
ancestral and reptilian brain circuitry is found, including I would imagine,
things like our involuntary instincts – things we have no control over like
heartbeat, cerebrospinal fluid pulse rate, etc – so it’s an important area of
our brains, not to be tampered with, those deep-seated glands and neural
pockets... but in my frontal cortex maybe, where my Id/ego/super-ego reside - that’s
where, I think, these self-actualizing thoughts and shifts have been going on –
and as I wrote somewhere above, it seems that time spent alone, and doing
manual labour, helps these ideas to crystallize – maybe because the rest of the
time, when we are in the company of others, or buzzing about in society doing
our business-with-people stuff, we are too mentally busy to allow stuff to
precipitate out, and come back to us as well-fermented bits of wisdom &
realization
That reminds me, of a night about a year ago, when I met a
woman who had been to hell & back too many times over the course of a few
years during which she became estranged and I should hope divorced from her
brutish-sounding husband – she related to me and another mutual friend, late
that night, some startling stuff, how in the thick of her near nervous
breakdowns, she had travelled back to her primal source, seen her eternal flame
separate out from the primal flame of all Creation, in a vision, and all that
while sweeping the floor – she said that she had found, that during the most mundane
tasks, like floor-sweeping, the biggest revelations had come to her – something
like repetitive and simple acts taking one into a trance state..
Anyway, I haven’t had the pleasure of similar time travel,
brought on by pushing heavy wheelbarrows of earth up my driveway, and lifting
heavy stone slabs into position to create a very nice mosaic paved area,
actually a few areas – my sporadic and mostly short-lived glimpses of the
Eternal, have been much more mundane – just in the last few hours, while writing,
a sudden realisation that I am enjoying very much the company of men, bent on a
group task of problem solving, and conflict resolution – all done with a sense
of humour – I am loving the oases, as I stumble over and into them, of
cameraderie amongst mature adult men – I don’t belong to any primarily female
populated groups, so I can’t compare. Could I smuggle myself in, using a wig
and false appendages, maybe into the locker room of a visiting netball team –
but then I’d surely be found out and thrown out, and probably not much
instructive banter going on there anyway..
So, real men, a beer or two perhaps, certainly some
cigarettes, seeing as I’m still addicted, and best of all some eye candy – or
even better, someone to love, waiting for me at day’s end, when we can watch a
sunset, walk on the beach, have a laugh together, tell our stories, hold hands,
be silly, sing along to songs on the radio while driving, light a fire, look at
the stars, and the moon [sun-gazing also apparently very beneficial if you can
avoid retina burn] – all those sweet things & then some – I suppose I will
choose the company of one solitary femme over that of a group of men any day,
no matter how smart they are, or how dumb she might be - nice curves and a
winning smile can make even the toughest weak... J
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